Tides of the Enigma

I was the first to find out you died

I dropped everything to make sure

that the sun wouldn’t set without your family knowing.

We used to spend your birthday

eating dinner together, year after year

Now that time has come again

but there will be no celebration.

When I stepped out of your shadow

I watched it crush you.

When I moved away

I watched all you had become wither.

For a season you were my rock

I was inspired by you while my soul was in the desert

But you taught me anger and violence

and the recklessness of the lost.

I had to step away from you.

It came to be and eventually I could see

how dependent upon me, you had become

to stave off your addictions and self loathing.

I knew you were suffering after my abandonment

Yet I let you be

And this is what has become

Should I feel as guilty as I do?

I think about you often

about how alone you were

both in life and in death.

Your fate has become

One of my fears.